


if we die tomorrow

by loudfoule



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, pre-episode 35
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29846610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loudfoule/pseuds/loudfoule
Summary: Matt believed he was hallucinating. He never imagined Mello to have feelings for him, not even in his wildest dreams.But damn, those lips pressed on his own felt so fucking real.
Relationships: Matt | Mail Jeevas/Mello | Mihael Keehl
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	if we die tomorrow

“So that’s the plan?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s bullshit.” the redhead commented, arching his eyebrow.

Mello rolled his eyes. “It’s not like I have much choice.”

“Yes, we do.”

“We?”

“Yes. We.” he repeated firmly.

“What do you mean…?” He knew what the other meant. Of course he knew. He just hoped he was wrong.

“I’m not gonna leave all the fun to you.” he went on without raising his gaze from the game even though his character kept on dying, or at least that’s what Mello assumed considering the irritating sad beep that came out from the speakers.

“No. You’re not taking part in this. End of discussion.” he got off the couch, trying to give Matt no chance to reply. 

“If you go down, we’ll go down together.”

“I’m serious.”

“Me too.” he tossed his handheld on the couch behind him without bothering to get up from the floor.

“Matt, drop it.”

“No. I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it.”

“Matt, this is no fucking game! You can’t just press the button “play again”. Game over, you’re dead.” As much as he wanted to sound annoyed, he still couldn’t hide the worry in his voice.

“I know.” 

“Matt, listen to me… I can’t lose you…” 

“Don’t worry about me, Mels. Besides, you’re the one really risking his own life.” He was sure neither of them had any chance of making out from this alive. At least Mello wasn’t looking at him but out of the window, or he would have seen the blatant lie written all over his face.

“There’s no other way. You know I have to do this.”

“ _We_ have to do this.”

“Enough Matt, there’s no _we_! Not this time.”

“Don’t tell me what to do. And you need my help, you know it.” he lit his cigarette and leaned his back to the couch.

“You don’t give a fuck about this whole Kira bullshit. You never even cared about L and the successor’s program!”

“I care about you”.

Mello hesitated for a few moments. “I care about you as well, why the hell do you think I’m asking you to leave? I don’t want you to get hurt!"

“This is not gonna end well.” he added shortly after.

“When has anything ever ended well with you?”

Mello chuckled.

“You know what’s funny? That after all these years, I’m giving up. I am going to die to let _him_ live and win. Hell, you better than anyone know how much I wanted to beat him and become number one. But now I realize I was never meant to. You’ve always known this. You all know this. Near is L’s true successor. I can only make sure he puts an end to Kira’s madness once and for all. And it’s time I pay the price for all my actions. It’s fair, I have to…”

“Mello…” he stood up, approaching the other man.

“But you don’t… so Matt, leave while you still can!”

“No way.”

“I can’t put you through this!”

“You can’t be serious.”

Mello tilted his head, looking at him quizzically. His voice felt wrong. There was something more behind his sarcasm. Mello couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but he seemed… angry?

“You don’t even see all the shit you’ve already “put me through”? I should hate you for everything you’ve done to me. Honestly, part of me did. But then you decided to fuck things up and blow yourself up. You think I loved seeing you half-dead on my bed? You really believe I forgot the way you writhed and screamed while I tried to heal your wounds?! I can still hear them, you know. You wanted to know why I’ve been having trouble falling asleep lately? Here’s your fucking answer. Every time I close my eyes, I see you there. Covered in blood and burns. Unconscious. Almost dead. And I always feel powerless, because I couldn’t stop you. I can’t do anything to make you feel better. Ever.”

This was the first time Mello saw his usually stoic Matt have an emotional outburst like that. He was taken aback and speechless. After all, what could he ever say after such words?

“So don’t you fucking dare asking me to stand back and watch while you’re risking your life again. Because I won’t. I can’t… I know what it means living without you…” he lowered his gaze, sighing, “and I can’t face it again… I’m not strong enough… I’ll follow you anywhere. After all, I’m “Mello’s shadow”, remember?”

Mello’s lips curled up a bit. Of course he remembered: everyone used to call Matt like that back at Wammy’s.

“You’re right. I never cared about Kira, or L for that matter. I never cared about anything. But for you? Man, I’d do anything. Anything. Can’t you see? I’d die for you, Mello.”

“Because _I love you._ ” He went on in his head. “Damn _, this was my only chance and I’m wasting it. Great job Matt, you fucking coward._ ”

“No! I won’t let you do that!”

“Why? Why all of a sudden you are so worried about my safety? You left me, for fuck’s sake! You didn’t even bother to say goodbye that night! Do you even realize how I felt? For four years I didn’t even know whether you were dead or alive! So why do you care about me now? Tell me, Mello, why? Why?!?” he cried, finally losing his temper and grasping his leather vest.

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!” he shouted back, looking at him in the eyes for the first time that night.

Silence.

They stared at each other, Mello waiting for some kind of response, Matt still trying to process what had just happened.

But he never had the time.

Because Mello let actions overtake words and did something he should have done a long time ago.

He kissed him.

Even if Matt were to reject him, he will die tomorrow anyway, so what was left to lose? He couldn’t live with regret any longer.

Matt believed he was hallucinating. He never imagined Mello to have feelings for him, not even in his wildest dreams.

But damn, those lips pressed on his own felt so fucking real.

So all he could do was kiss him back and let his hands sneak around Mello’s waist.

Mello felt the redhead moan against his tongue and pressed further into him, their bodies melted as one.

When he managed to break away, he rested his forehead against Matt’s. Only then Matt dared to open his eyes. Mello was still there, panting and smiling, allowing himself to be openly vulnerable for the first time (and probably his last).

Matt smiled back and caressed his scarred cheek.

“I love you, Mihael. I always have. And I’m proud of you.”

Before his emotions could get the best of him, Mello quickly kissed him again, pushing the redhead against the wall.

Mello dared to push Matt’s goggles out of the way. He wanted to see his green eyes without that damned orange filter for just one time. Matt’s teary eyes stared back for a second, then he averted his gaze, shaking. Mello caressed his cheek to wipe away the tears. He never saw him like that.

Matt kissed him before Mello could really see how desperate he was, trying to get lost in the moment.

They both knew that in a few hours everything would be over. They won’t be seeing each other again. But this didn’t mean they couldn’t enjoy their last time together.

* * *

When Mello woke up, he was still wrapped in Matt’s arms. His head was still on Matt’s bare chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. How long will it keep on beating? No, he couldn’t let his mind drift in that direction. He was here. Safe. Alive. And maybe he was just being paranoid. Maybe Matt had a chance of survival. Maybe…

Feeling Mello’s tension, Matt stirred and hugged him tighter.

“Morning, my angel.” he whispered before kissing his forehead.

Even though Mello smiled, Matt couldn’t help but notice the tears pooled in his eyes.

* * *

“We'll make it,” he whispered against blond hair, trying to sound confident. He spent most of his life comforting Mello and he sure as hell won’t quit now. 

Mello nodded. Yes, _Matt_ will make it. No one could outrace him while he was in his car. With his Camaro, he was unstoppable. And nobody knew his real name. There was no way something could go wrong. Right…?

Matt’s soft lips brought him back to reality. He returned the kiss with a desperate passion, furrowing his eyebrows as he let his hand wander in his red locks for the last time.

Mello watched him speed away before putting on his helmet. Matt’s last words were still ringing in his mind.

“I’ll be waiting for you.”

He could swear he heard the bells in the background.


End file.
